Every Eeveelution Ranked By Objective Cuteness
Eevee is one of the most charming Pokémon thanks to its fox-like appearance, big ears, and fluffy chest. What makes Eevee even more intriguing, however, is how many evolutions it has. Depending on the type of evolutionary stone you give your Eevee, you will end up with one of eight Eeveelutions.
Some people pick their Eeveelution based on their favorite Pokémon type. Others pick an Eeveelution based on its in-game stats and abilities. But some just care about which Eeveelution is cutest. Here are all of the Eeveelutions ranked from ugliest to cutest — all without my own personal opinion, of course.
8. Glaceon
Pokemon
Hideous, just hideous. This Eeveelution is unappealing in every way. Their pale, dull coloring, boring design, and — worst of all — their ears that seem inspired by human hair. Nobody asked for an Eeveelution with a human hairstyle, especially one so ugly. Even worse, it’s always glaring underneath its large, goofy bangs, most likely thinking of what it will write in a Yelp review after leaving the salon. Anyone who says this is their favorite Eeveelution cannot be trusted and I wouldn’t doubt they are a cheater since they have no problem lying to your face.
7. Jolteon
Pokemon
Jolteon often gets a pass for being an OG Eeveelution and for being competitively viable in most Pokémon games compared to other Eeveelutions. It’s fast and aggressive. But this is a list ranking cuteness, not how fast a Pokémon is — and Jolteon cannot outrun how ugly it is. 1/10 would NOT pet this Eeveelution. It’s completely spiky and looks like one pet will cause uncontrollable internal bleeding. Also, Jolteon has no tail. That’s a travesty that cannot be overlooked by anyone that cares about cuteness (and I’m talking a board of experts, not me).
6. Leafeon
Pokemon
This Eeveelution is a bit underwhelming. It’s not as offensive as Glaceon but it also doesn’t really inspire any uncontrollable squeals and a desperation to be cuddled. It looks like it belongs in some lazy fantasy book, a creature of the woods that hangs out with elves. Its leaf-like tail is pretty neat but, again, isn’t exceptionally cute. Leafeon is okay, but you probably forgot they existed until I wrote this paragraph.
5. Sylveon
Pokemon
This is going to get a lot of haters and perverts heated but I’m sorry, Sylveon is NOT the cutest Eeveelution. Ribbons and pink don’t automatically mean you are the cutest thing ever — if that’s how you think you may want to look within yourself as to why that is. Sylveon is cute, don’t get me wrong, but have you seen its soulless, glossy eyes? After seeing them and its tiny little fangs it’s not shocking to learn that Sylveon lures in unexpected victims and then strangles them with its ribbons. The lesson? Don’t be a simp.
4. Umbreon
Pokemon
When people talk about Eeveelutions, most agree that Umbreon is the best design. But the words they use are often “cool,” “badass,” and other things along those lines. You don’t often hear people discussing how cute Umbreon is in any Eevee enthusiast group. The rotund tail and ear design is a great touch as are the rings, but I still wouldn’t go around saying, “Wow, isn’t Umbreon the cutest Eeveelution?” You’ll never hear that phrase uttered in 2024.
3. Espeon
Pokemon
Espeon is cute. It has a cat-like, sleek look that’s minimal yet very bold. The split tail, four ears, and red dot above its enchanting eyes are all desirable in a cute-focused design. Espeon basically looks like Stitch’s girlfriend Angel and a cat combined into one adorable Pokémon. This is an Eeveelution you’d most definitely want to cuddle with.
2. Vaporeon
Pokemon
You’ve seen the copypasta but that is irrelevant to this particular ranking because this is about an Eeveelution’s cuteness, not their potential as a sexual partner. Sorry to disappoint. Anyway, Vaporeon has a great design, like a cat and a mermaid combined into a sleek, frilled, friendly-looking creature. The collective experts on cuteness love Vaporeon’s cute design and I agree with the experts who are definitely not me.
1. Flareon
Pokemon
Flareon often gets no love because they suck in the card game and all of the video games, even GO. They’re always made into some slow and lame attacker that isn’t worth having on your team compared to other Fire types. But this is about cuteness and cuteness only. What Flareon lacks in competitive viability it makes up for in cuteness thanks to its fluffy mane and tail, innocent eyes, and innocent personality.
Flareon is a shy Pokémon that you just want to cuddle with all day long because it’s warm and fuzzy. You’d be a fool to pick a slippery, spiky, or demonic ribbon ‘mon over this kind soul. And if you disagree, you are just incorrect. Your opinion is wrong. Your family is now cursed. You will never know love. Objectively.
